i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
