White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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