So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
