a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
