I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
