I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
