so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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