Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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