You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
