its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
