I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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