Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
