Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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