Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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