Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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