before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
