The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Houston, we have a blender
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
