thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it's like iHOP with fire
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
