bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
