just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
