im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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