Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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