Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
