i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
