Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
