words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
