On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
