it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night