Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.

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  (708): i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection. http://tfl.nu/ljiq
  Replies (13) Good night (3790) Bad night (788)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage

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  (609): This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage http://tfl.nu/v5ez
  Replies (26) Good night (7318) Bad night (1206)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?

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  (443): I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch? http://tfl.nu/v0c3
  Replies (17) Good night (4528) Bad night (908)
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  (714): View more from California

  I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.

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  (714): I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later. http://tfl.nu/riev
  Replies (17) Good night (1995) Bad night (2393)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.

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  (646): Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans. http://tfl.nu/r33v
  Replies (5) Good night (1234) Bad night (917)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

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  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8385) Bad night (1042)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!

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  (678): Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/sa9o
  Replies (10) Good night (2164) Bad night (688)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.

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  (206): It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights. http://tfl.nu/5zul
  Replies (5) Good night (656) Bad night (579)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.

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  (425): She had caution tape on her head and she blew me. http://tfl.nu/1dhj
  Replies (8) Good night (1576) Bad night (530)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.

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  (785): Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective. http://tfl.nu/28pg
  Replies (13) Good night (564) Bad night (792)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles

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  (303): Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles http://tfl.nu/cavu
  Replies (3) Good night (2192) Bad night (594)
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  (212): View more from New York

  you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window

  (212): View more from New York

  i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there

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  (212): you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window (212): i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there http://tfl.nu/q2cr
  Replies (3) Good night (1036) Bad night (496)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless

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  (570): U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless http://tfl.nu/wr07
  Replies (0) Good night (724) Bad night (341)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)

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  (630): Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet) http://tfl.nu/zpz1
  Replies (1) Good night (353) Bad night (647)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs

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  (303): When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs http://tfl.nu/j5ii
  Replies (5) Good night (490) Bad night (352)

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