i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?