I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.