No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
