Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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