bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize