Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
