Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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