drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
