This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
