i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
