yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
