If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
