Dude my mom stole all your condoms
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
