Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
