I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
