i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
