K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
