And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My balls are so social today.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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