i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
