There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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