I murdered the dance floor call the cops
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
