Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
