If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
