the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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