Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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