why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
