I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
