I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
