were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
