Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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