I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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