yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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