I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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