i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
