Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
