You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
