I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Are we still banned from the library?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
