I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
