I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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