Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
